Understanding Sexual Addiction
Sex addiction is becoming an epidemic. With the ability to view pornography on computers or phones, many men and women are spending exorbitant amounts of time escaping. Unfortunately, porn can escalate to other activities including sexual massages, seeing prostitutes, and having affairs. Relationships and lives are being destroyed by this becoming a compulsive behavior. Treatment at SACC combines cognitive behavioral therapy with somatic therapy and trauma work.
There are separate protocols: one for addiction; one for if you are in a relationship with an addict, or suffer from codependency. Couples therapy focuses on healing from the wounds the addiction created, and then on healthy relationship dynamics.
We treat both the individual and the couple. Learning and gaining healthy intimacy is our main goal.
We have just created a new workshop: Why Can't I Do It? for men who are trying to understand and build empathy for their partners. Take a look...
This addiction is mainly attributed to women. However we are finding that underneath sex addiction is love addiction – both fueled by a great need to feel good enough. The word “love” is loaded because how can you be addicted to something that seems so good and beneficial? When we become obsessive, controlling, and are grasping for anything, there is something wrong.
Below is a list of questions that helps you determine
if you are suffering from love addiction:
- You are very needy when it comes to relationships.
- You fall in love very easily and too quickly.
- When you fall in love, you can’t stop fantasizing—even to do important things. You can’t help yourself.
- Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.
- When you are in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner.
- More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change.
- Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go.
- When you are attracted to someone, you will ignore all the warning signs that this person is not good for you.
- Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner. Falling in love over time does not appeal to you and is not an option.
- When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy. The rest of the time you have a hard time trusting people.
- When a relationship ends, you feel your life is over and more than once you have thought about suicide because of a failed relationship.
- You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.
- Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.
- In some of your relationships you were the only one in love.
- You are overwhelmed with loneliness when you are not in love or in a relationship.
- You cannot stand being alone. You do not enjoy your own company.
- More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.
- You are terrified of never finding someone to love.
- You feel inadequate if you are not in a relationship.
- You cannot say no when you are in love or if your partner threatens to leave you.
- You try very hard to be who your partner wants you to be. You will do anything to please him or her—even abandon yourself (sacrifice what you want, need and value).
- When you are in love, you only see what you want to see. You distort reality to quell anxiety and feed your fantasies.
- You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships. You are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty—even abuse—to avoid the pain of separation anxiety (what you feel when you are not with someone you have bonded with).
- More than once, you have carried a torch for someone and it was agonizing.
- You love romance. You have had more than one romantic interest at a time even when it involved dishonesty.
- You have stayed with an abusive person.
- Fantasies about someone you love, even if he or she is unavailable, are more important to you than meeting someone who is available.
- You are terrified of being abandoned. Even the slightest rejection feels like abandonment and it makes you feel horrible.
- You chase after people who have rejected you and try desperately to change their minds.
- When you are in love, you are overly possessive and jealous.
- More than once, you have neglected family or friends because of your relationship.
- You have no impulse control when you are in love.
- You feel an overwhelming need to check up on someone you are in love with.
- More than once, you have spied on someone you are in love with.
- You pursue someone you are in love with even if he or she is with another person.
- If you are part of a love triangle (three people), you believe all is fair in love and war. You do not walk away.
- Love is the most important thing in the world to you.
- Even if you are not in a relationship, you still fantasize about love all the time— either someone you once loved or the perfect person who is going to come into your life someday.
- As far back as you can remember, you have been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies.
- You feel powerless when you fall in love—as if you are in some kind of trance or under a spell. You lose your ability to make wise choices.
This questionnaire was created by Love Addicts Anonymous.
If you answered “yes” to more than four questions, you may have a problem with this elusive and confusing addiction.
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